When things with Aaron ended – it wasn’t great. I hadn’t anticipated things ending since I thought (and he led me to believe) everything was peachy. He told me, more than 4 weeks in, that he was hunting for a job in NYC. It wasn’t just a job, nor was it a hunt: it was his dream job and he was already arse-deep in interviews! He told me it was what he had been working toward his whole life.
After a great date one night, which we spent the bulk of talking about the job and the possibilities, it kind of hit me: I was just a time-filler for him. I wasn’t on his radar in the foreseeable future. He never told me as such, and if I hadn’t brought it up, it probably never would have occurred to him to tell me.
I asked him where I stood in this haze of planning, and he basically said he was choosing the job, even though I was a “swell girl” (his words). This was someone who I was friends with, who worked for me before, and who all our mutual friends raved about to me. He acted as if what he was doing and saying just normal – and tried to continue with me as if nothing was happening. I distanced myself, but hung on because I had strong feelings for him (and there was still a small chance he might not get it).
The day he left for the final interviews (which would make or break the whole process), I went in for knee surgery. I was then living at my parent’s house for a couple of weeks while I recovered and until I got my new apartment. I didn’t hear from him AT ALL for over a week. No questions about how I was recovering, what the surgery was like, nothing like that. I also noticed he’d been active on facebook: posting pics from his trip to NYC, and all the fun things he was doing while I was at home, bored to tears.
Friday night: one week after my surgery; I was going crazy! I fought through the pain, and drove into town, announcing to the world (via facebook) that I was coming to town and heading to THE BAR: this being the one in which I’m the manager of. I met up with a couple of friends, stayed sober because I was driving. Just being able to interact with friends again was just what I needed to get my mind off Aaron and his lack of communication.
At 2am, I’m about halfway home, and I get a text from Aaron – “surprise, I’m at THE BAR, where are you?” Pissed off, and knowing that texting while driving, and in a fragile state is just a terrible combo, I pulled into the Timmies parking lot. I proceeded to tell him how over it was and that I thought I deserved more than just a SURPRISE after not having had any communication for over a week!! I’m glad I stood up for what I felt I deserved, but it didn’t settle my annoyance with him or his behaviour.
We spoke another week later. I told him I wanted to talk to him, settle things (get that awkward first-time-seeing-each-other over with). I ended up having to see him all night because he was going to the same concert as me. I hung out with the band, avoided him – but he wouldn’t seem to leave me alone. I was hurt by his actions and he was basically dismissing them.
All is said and done now. He’s moving to NYC in a couple weeks and we aren’t friends anymore. It never had to be that way and I wish he’d never started anything with me to begin with – knowing full well that he was seriously pursuing for a job in another country. I wish I could learn from this – that getting involved with staff (old or current) and getting involved with friends is messy. I won’t learn from this. If he hadn’t left, there’s a very good chance that we’d still be together. I don’t want to deny myself the opportunity to date someone I know is already a great person, who shares similar interests, beliefs, sense of humour, etc.! It’s the reason why I never did well with online dating – I like knowing someone before going on dates with them (the opposite applies to random hook-ups)!
I’m beginning to question what it is that goes through a man’s mind when he meets a woman he finds attractive. Does he dwell entirely on the initial attraction, regardless of circumstance or anything else going on around him? Does he look forward into the future at all like a woman does when she meets a man she’s into? Even now, I always like to know what a man’s last name is to know if it would go with my first name if we ever got married. Remember when you used to scribble your initials all over everything, with little hearts drawn around it? Do men have an equivalent emotional labyrinth they go through? I don’t know if that’s a question I want to know the answer to – but wouldn’t it be fun to catch them, just once, admitting to being smitten over you and expressing it with hearts and last names?
After a great date one night, which we spent the bulk of talking about the job and the possibilities, it kind of hit me: I was just a time-filler for him. I wasn’t on his radar in the foreseeable future. He never told me as such, and if I hadn’t brought it up, it probably never would have occurred to him to tell me.
I asked him where I stood in this haze of planning, and he basically said he was choosing the job, even though I was a “swell girl” (his words). This was someone who I was friends with, who worked for me before, and who all our mutual friends raved about to me. He acted as if what he was doing and saying just normal – and tried to continue with me as if nothing was happening. I distanced myself, but hung on because I had strong feelings for him (and there was still a small chance he might not get it).
The day he left for the final interviews (which would make or break the whole process), I went in for knee surgery. I was then living at my parent’s house for a couple of weeks while I recovered and until I got my new apartment. I didn’t hear from him AT ALL for over a week. No questions about how I was recovering, what the surgery was like, nothing like that. I also noticed he’d been active on facebook: posting pics from his trip to NYC, and all the fun things he was doing while I was at home, bored to tears.
Friday night: one week after my surgery; I was going crazy! I fought through the pain, and drove into town, announcing to the world (via facebook) that I was coming to town and heading to THE BAR: this being the one in which I’m the manager of. I met up with a couple of friends, stayed sober because I was driving. Just being able to interact with friends again was just what I needed to get my mind off Aaron and his lack of communication.
At 2am, I’m about halfway home, and I get a text from Aaron – “surprise, I’m at THE BAR, where are you?” Pissed off, and knowing that texting while driving, and in a fragile state is just a terrible combo, I pulled into the Timmies parking lot. I proceeded to tell him how over it was and that I thought I deserved more than just a SURPRISE after not having had any communication for over a week!! I’m glad I stood up for what I felt I deserved, but it didn’t settle my annoyance with him or his behaviour.
We spoke another week later. I told him I wanted to talk to him, settle things (get that awkward first-time-seeing-each-other over with). I ended up having to see him all night because he was going to the same concert as me. I hung out with the band, avoided him – but he wouldn’t seem to leave me alone. I was hurt by his actions and he was basically dismissing them.
All is said and done now. He’s moving to NYC in a couple weeks and we aren’t friends anymore. It never had to be that way and I wish he’d never started anything with me to begin with – knowing full well that he was seriously pursuing for a job in another country. I wish I could learn from this – that getting involved with staff (old or current) and getting involved with friends is messy. I won’t learn from this. If he hadn’t left, there’s a very good chance that we’d still be together. I don’t want to deny myself the opportunity to date someone I know is already a great person, who shares similar interests, beliefs, sense of humour, etc.! It’s the reason why I never did well with online dating – I like knowing someone before going on dates with them (the opposite applies to random hook-ups)!
I’m beginning to question what it is that goes through a man’s mind when he meets a woman he finds attractive. Does he dwell entirely on the initial attraction, regardless of circumstance or anything else going on around him? Does he look forward into the future at all like a woman does when she meets a man she’s into? Even now, I always like to know what a man’s last name is to know if it would go with my first name if we ever got married. Remember when you used to scribble your initials all over everything, with little hearts drawn around it? Do men have an equivalent emotional labyrinth they go through? I don’t know if that’s a question I want to know the answer to – but wouldn’t it be fun to catch them, just once, admitting to being smitten over you and expressing it with hearts and last names?
No comments:
Post a Comment